Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
