Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
