I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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