my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Houston, we have a blender
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
