Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
