I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
