her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
