im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
