there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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