You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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