a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
