Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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