My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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