he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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