Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
