I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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