It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
