and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
