my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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