my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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