cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
