What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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