Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
