She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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