so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
