Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
