I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
