I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
