They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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