I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
