Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
