Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
