How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
