Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize