Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize