one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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