I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
