i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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