How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
