Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize