My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
