You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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