I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
