i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
