i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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