Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
