I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
