I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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