...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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