just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
