i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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