Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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