We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
