I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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