Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
