i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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