I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
