you will always have a special place in my vag
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
