the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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