Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
