no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
