2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
