i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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