Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
