dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
