Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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