When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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