but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
