happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
