are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
