fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
