That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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