how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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