I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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