Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
