i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
