standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
