no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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