My friends, they love my intelligence
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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