I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
