I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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