he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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